The game of life.

Its currently 1:02am midnight…

I couldn’t sleep so i had not much choices but to sit up on my chair, and start typing on my laptop, sipping on one of the old time famous, Jack Daniels.

As i browsing thru the internet, i suddenly realised something weird…                 the whisky im having… somethings not right…. I thought for a moment… And YES… the whisky… i realised that i can barely taste the whisky!!

I was shocked for awhile, and then i thought “maybe its a bad choice to be drinking whisky at this kind of time?” But on that instant, a message came into my mind from no where… Reminds me of a conversation i had with another friend. The person told me alot about him/her self and her mind.

Our conversation was about Life.

In life, there are thousands of problems to over come and millions of question marks in our mind waiting to be solved and settled. Yet sometimes we think about things like our future target…friends…money…love…family…etcetc.

But what do a person truly wants?                                                                        money?
friends?
a good future?

There are many things in this world that human wants…
There is a theory saying,
“Human are never satisfied,
and can never be satisfied.”

Is that statement true?
first, human walked with our own two feet, then we started to relied on mammals, then we started to build wheels to give a more relaxed ride, we then invented machines, for example bikes, cars, air planes etc etc…
Last time it used to take days to get from a city to villages, months to get from a city to another and years to get from a nation to another.
But now, everyone can get to any part of the world within a day, and get to places within a country in hours.
Is that enough? We have to admit that it has already made a big change indeed!
but yet people are still not satisfied. We tend to want more and more, and gain more and more, till we are starting to even forget that we are actually humans.
Now people are trying to make a teleportation machine. So if that worked, we can get to North Pole from the South Pole in 5 second.
What’s next??

When we were small and young, everything was just like a play thing to us…
We had no worries, no problems… Things are just so perfect…
But as we grow older, we tend to forget who we are… and greediness sometimes takes over our soul.

When a person’s greediness comes… is it really “greediness”?
Or should we say its fear? But why fear? Its simple…
We fear that we would be poor,
that’s why we greed for money.
We fear of losing friendships,
that’s why we want more friends.
We fear of being out-smarted,
that’s why we study so hard.

So is a person who is greedy really that “greedy”?
Or is the person someone that fear of things?
But there is always a twist in things, so now we ask our self,
what is “fear”?

Let us ask our selfs, what do men fear the most?
Friends?
Wealth?
Love?
Future?

Or should we say non of the above?
To some people, yes, that is what they fear, but is it really what we truly fears?

A simple question,
Friends or family?
Wealth or love?

some people would find it a hard question to answer, and we must know, for each question we answer, we lose something.
So in the end, does human fear those things more?
Or does human fear making a choice more?

Every single choice we are making right now changes our life permanently.
For example the reader of this blog…. Yes, I’m talking about you.
You might just lost your chance of meeting someone that is truly for you because you are wasting your time reading this blog. But at the same time, you might meet the someone else because your reading this blog.
Its complicated, but every second we are doing changes our life permanently, because time doesn’t  stop for anyone.

So which one would you choose?
Each choice would bring good and bad. and each good or bad thing that happened will bring more other things. Life is like a chain…you started with 2 lines, then into 4, 8, 16, 32….etc etc…
If we choose one wrong line in life, we pretty much sure how the ending of this “game” will be like. But there is always a chance…because there is always a choice…the choice is up to us, either to take the risk or not, to forgive a person or not…its all our choice.
And in the end, life is all about choice. As long as we are here, we will always have a choice. Nothing is set, even if it really set for us, we have a choice to define it.

“A choice made now, is a choice you’ll make after a thousand years.”

(I know the last sentence is a little confusing, but some people will understand it..)

Axel out.

The Longest Month Of My Life…

My last blog was about my life in December… and hell yeah, this month sure has a lot of things happening, first I lost my house…well, guess that was bad enough that I don’thave a place to live in, I thought that was already bad enough… lol… what could possiblyhappen? its like everything is already as bad as hell… I thought things would start to turn better as time pasts… but well, yesterday night, something came up that crashed my mind, and once again bring me back to moodiness.

Yeap….its a very sad thing… although I don’t know him really well… but still he has been in the same class with me last year for a whole year! to me… its still very hard to forget those times we hated each other before we got into the same class… its like, we fought before, and we were enemies…and slowly became friends and buddies in the same class… and I actually find him a interesting person and a great person infect… but sometimes I just don’t know why lord up there has to pick at people he sees, picking on those who are good instead of those walking on the street trying to someone’s handbag off them. Why is life so freaking unfair? Wish I had a chance to talk to him again, but its all over already… it just happened so suddenly and happened so fast. who would have thought of this sad tragedy happening… sometimes things are just like that… it may happen anytime…anywhere that’s why we have to keep those loved ones that we love close to us at all times…

No matter how a person treats us, we can still always be friends.                    Enemies can become friends, and from friends we can become buddies.              Things in this world are very saddening sometimes that’s why we must treasure our time, and make the best use of it. If we had a enemy, try our best to turn them into our friends…because if one day that enemy of yours just went away without pissing you off or saying good bye, no matter how much you hate them, you’ll regret for not being their friend, and not giving them the care they need while their around…

For that I hope that everyone would learn this from our friend’s sacrifice.           No one wished for this tragic accident to happen…but what done, is done… Nothing can make differences now, so all we can do is to wish him good luck in his long journey and good luck in his next life…

We will always love you Adi,

Always take care no matter where you are,

It’s true that your body might not be with us,

But your soul, spirit and memories of you will always be with us,

Apart of you will always be alive,

As long as we are here,

Good bye my good friend,

We will miss you…

The longest month of my life…

Axel out.

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The Meaning Of Life

hello who ever is reading my blog now^^

good morning, afternoon and evening=3

well…

its been a hell of two weeks for me…

What happened to me for the past few3 weeks-.- and why i never online T.T

it all started like this, now i shall tell my annoying yet enjoyable story to everyone=3

(note: this blog is about a tragedy that happened to me, to those that doesn’t want to read, please kindly process to the [X] sign at the top right of your screen and click it=)

okokok now its really starting…

ahem ahem….

it all started at a calming night, around 3:30-4:00am, i was about to sleep at 3:00am actually, but i had intention to play dota for one final round… so i end up staying awake at 3:30am-4:00am…

around that time… i wan half way playing my game, and surprisingly im actually owning in that game-.- i was owning and raging that game and screwing other’s day up!! till suddenly, my room lights blinked…it goes like “blink, blink” for twice, and the whole place went dark! it was so dark, that i couldn’t see my fingers!! and i started to hear a loud sound, at the starting, it all seems like a rain storm…but i can feel minor vibration on the ground…i quickly reached for my PSP and handphone (thats for lighting purposes-.-). I reached for the candle that i left on the table during the last electricity failure. I lighted the candles on and ran up stairs to wake my mother up…and then my sister was awaken by the loud sound… they both looked at the back window of my house, but they couldn’t see things clearly for its all dark that time. my dad found a torch light. he then pointed at the hills and YEAP! my sister shouted “OMG its a landslide!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

then everyone started to run downstairs, well that time i already had 2 lights set up to let them see the stairs and i had both house and front gate opened=P we then rushed out… Awhile after we were out, we realized that the maid were still inside, lucky shes smart enough to run out in time. we then locked the gate and started running to the other end of the neighborhood.

by the time we reach there, there were still a lot people asleep in their houses. and one good example, is my uncle. YES my uncle! he was still at home! and his house is just beside mine! my dad and me quickly ran to his house and started calling and shining light at his window, but he did not respond… therefore we thought there was no one at home, so we gave up and ran back to the far corner of the neighborhood, also known as “The Safe Zone” at that time.

that time i couldn’t stand it sitting there doing nothing, so i walked around calling people to go to the Safe Zone, and waking people up. well when i got back, got scolded for being away without informing my family T.T they thought i was gone or something T.T im a naughty boy=P well… then some of the people there suggested that we can climb over the pipes beside the electric room to get out, but my sister suddenly thought of something and said…” hey, didnt you forget that we gated ourselves for safety last month?”

that time, the word “oh shit” is on everyone’s face. it was not long before the bomba arrived, and they cut a hole on the electric room’s fence, which allows us to climb out=D

my family then walked to the near by mamak, for its the safest place that time O.O we waited awhile, and suddenly my uncle called!=O we told him that there was a landslide! he then realize it! he thought it was a robbery or something, so he locked himself in his house even tighter! LOLs!

but it was good to see that he end up safe with us at the mamak=P after awhile, around 7am, after the sun had rised, we went back to take our important things like handphone, wallet, passport, ID card etc.etc.

then that night, we were homelessT.T we stayed at our cousin’s house, and the next day, we found a apartment, but it belongs to my sister’s friend.

we stayed there for around 3-4 days, then moved to my dad’s office… now we have been here for around one and a half week=O and it seems like im getting used to this place…well~ its better than roadside=P

and here i am now! writing a blogXD and its 12:27am-.- that explains the long absent of me from FS, facebook and MSNT.T

well~ the landslide actually reached the wall of the back of my house, and stopped right behind my house…which makes me extremely lucky to be unhurt… if the landslide was alittle to the left, i wont be here right now-.-

hope everyone can help those in need in Bukit Antarabangsa… some lost their family, some lost their house… well there was a uncle that just bought a house there, this is what he said “I just bought this house around 2 years ago, so its consider new… the house was almost everything to me…all my money is here… but i regret nothing at all, because my family are all safe. If i lost money, i can earn them back, but if i lost my family, nothing can get them back.”

those words were simple, but yet meaningful… its true that our family is the only ones that will always be true to us…and takecare of us when we needed help, same goes to our friends and people around us that we love.

hope everyone can get a thing or two from reading this blog and story of mine^^

thank you for reading!!=D

Axel out~=P

Friends That I Love…

(note: this blog is dedicated to all my friends and to other honorable readers)

It’s 7am plus something now…
yeap, im blogging at 7am something on MONDAY…T.T
and the reason is~~~~i missed school  T.T
actually i didn’t wanted to skip school…
i missed my carpool at the morning due to my sickness that kept me sleeping, then when i woke up, my carpool just left…T.T
sad case… so i had no other option but to awaken one of my family members to fetch me to school=3
MY SISTER…oh god she just keep on sleeping no matter how many times i call her-.-
MY BROTHER…i would be happy to make him fetch me to school, but sadly he has work to do at 9am, so i better not wake him up=(
MY FATHER…he would most probably be the one that will surely fetch me to school, since his the one that pays for my school fees=P but i will surely get a "set" of scolding as my breakfast..so its not really that wise to wake him up!!^^
lastly~~
MY MOTHER…YES!! my mother… she would be the person that love me the most in this world, she would do anything for me!=D (note: please don’t think wrongly, and enjoy this blog with clean mind|^^V)

So i choose to awaken my mother=P
when i stepped to her door, OMG!!
shes already awaken!!
shes actually drinking water at the desk near her room’s door…
so she asked me, what are you doing here at 7am!!
i answered, i was sick, so i didn’t notice my alarm ringing…
and i missed the carpool *cough* *cough*…
then she realise that i was sick, and my voice changed completely ( actually 80%=P)
she told me to stay at home, if i go at 7am i would be late and reach at around  8am anyway…
so i told her that i needed to go to school…really badly…
but she didn’t let me T.T
after that, while i was applying medicine, she asked me: "whats so important today, why must you go to school?"
i said: "nothing important is happening today actually, just that im the key holder of the class, and if i don’t go to school, then they don’t have the key to open the class door!"
she asked: "so there is only one key for the door lock?"
i replied: "nope, there is another one with the coordinators, but my friends will get scolding if they want to get from there…i don’t want them to get scolded…"
then she kept quiet….i thought i said something wrong, so i also kept quiet to avoid unnecessary argument=P
then she said something… : "Friendship is important, but so as yourself."
she then said: "do you think your friends will actually appreciate you just because you bring the key for them although your sick?"
i kept quiet, i had nothing to say…i was completely speechless…
so i had my medicine, and she went back to bed. i went in my room, i wouldn’t sleep…
the conversation i had with my mother just keep raging in my mind….
i kept thinking and thinking…
and thats why im here now writing a blog><
i thought… would my friends appreciate  for all that i have done for them?
or maybe they are just treating me like a item that helps them?
to be honest, i really have no idea how my friends think of me…
all i know is that alot of people hate me(i doubt it^^)
and i know all of you wish that i can f**k off or  just leave you alone…
but some of you dont know that i did alot of things behind that nearly got me in serious trouble… but in the end people still hate me…
its probably because of my suckie attitude and  my anger problem…
but i have been trying to over come that angry problem…
i get angry lesser these days… but i dont think they realize it..haha lol…
i thought of those friends that i call "brother".
i wonder if they hate me behind, and just giving me a good image on the front? i thought so much that my eyes started to feel watery…
so i stopped and i told my self,

"I don’t know what other people is thinking about,
but i know I’m doing the right thing to protect the ones i love.
Don’t use your powers to hurt others,
having enough power to protect the ones you love is enough."

That is what that kept me going in all those hard time when i had problems with my friends or other people…
and also this is what kept me form unleashing my angry all the time…

well…
its not very early now…
so i better get resting or not i will get sick again=P
kkies, thats all i can think of in this situation anyway..><

wish everyone have a nice and happy day=3
peace^^V

Clarence out~

Changes is good=3

Yeah~ broke up around few month ago already! feeling all new and happy=3
at first it was like god damned sad…
but since i broke up, things changes slowly=3
my friends slowly gets to have more time with me, im slowly closer to them again=3
my gf last time always takes out all my time…morning time, break time, lunch time, even after school timeT.T
but now im a free man!!=P
im like a beast out a cage, going wild and all~
still i can’t forget those annoying memories that she gave me, for breaking up with me for 5 times and get back together again…
but life without her was great!!^-^V *winks*
i wish life will go on so peaceful like now…
my sister offering me some jobs, i can earn some money and gain some experience~ and MUN, ahh MUN…*Model United Nations Conference* made me know so much people!! smart ones "Ian", funny ones "Adib", sweet and gorgeous looking ones "Shermaine". it was a very very nice event! i never regret at all for joining it, yes, it made me very very tired, a 3 day conference, but it was very fun!hehes=3
and these days i also knew alot of interesting people, like Jasmine, Jasmine, Nicole, and a girl that is cute but dont know her name, and Jasmine’s bf=3
hahas~ life is just happy=3 alot of things to do, alot of events going aroundXD

thats almost all for now=3

Life is Great Without You=3 *winks*^^V
~~Axel~~

Feb 1 ~ 1:50am

I will never forget today…
I can still we were happily playing and talking to each other this afternoon…
I would never have imagine it would end up like this at night…
Everything has its start and ending…
Im not sad that it all ended…
Just regret i never treasure it enough while i have it…
I know no matter what i try, i would never forget what has happened tonight…
The second you put down the phone…
My tear started to roll down my cheeks….
I walked around my house, for no reason…
I have no idea what am i doing…
I was just like a empty shell with nothing inside…
My heart got only one space…
Only for one person…
And that is you…
If your not in that space, then no one will ever be in it…
Without you, my life is empty…
My eyes can only see black and white…
The world around me will become dull…
My emotions will be gone…
I can’t smile…
I can’t laugh…
I can’t angry…
I can’t sad…
I can’t feel anything…
My heart will be numb…
Can a person really survive without a heart?
Without you is like cutting my heart out of me…
Forcing my body to move without a reason…
I can loose anything i ever have in my life,
but only you…
your the only thing i fear the most…
i really fear of loosing you…
because…
i really…
do…
love you…
very…
deeply…
forever…
and…
ever…
for life…
till eternity…
till forever…

Sign: Clarence…

Love Forever.

I have live for so long in my life…
You appearance changed me…
In the times i felt that everything is meaning less…
You came in and changed everything…
You made me want to be a better guy…
You made me realize how meaningful life is…
You are the only one i love…
I will always love you…
Till the sun never rise again…
Till the stars never shine again…
Till summer never comes again…
Till the day the world is no more here…
Till death fall upon me…
Everything comes and go…
Everything last very short…
Nothing last forever…
But my feelings towards you will never change…
And my love towards you will never fade…
As long as I’m living in this world…
I will never forget about you…
Because…
You will forever…
And ever…
Be in my heart…
Your beauty will last forever… 

———————————————————————————

——————————————————————————–

——————–iloveyoucamille————-iloveyoucamille———
——————iloveyoucamilleilov———eyoucamilleiloveyo——–
—————-ucamilleiloveyoucamill——eiloveyoucamilleilove——
————–youcamilleiloveyoucamille–iloveyoucamilleiloveyouc—–
————–amilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamillei——
—————-loveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleilove——–
——————youcamilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleilove———–
——————–youcamilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleil————-
———————-oveyoucamilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyouc—————
————————amilleiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamil——————
————————–leiloveyoucamilleiloveyoucamil———————
—————————-eiloveyoucamilleiloveyouc————————
——————————amilleiloveyoucamille—————————-
——————————–iloveyoucamilleil——————————
———————————oveyoucamille———————————
———————————iloveyoucami———————————–
———————————-iloveyouc————————————–
———————————-amilleil—————————————–
———————————-ovey——————————————
———————————–ou——————————————-
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————-

I hate crying, except for you…

Me, as a boy, i dont usually cry much…
i can still remember the last time i cried was when i was in primary 3 or 4…
I once promised my self that i would never cry for anyone ever again…
but you…
you made me cry…
your appearance in my life has changed me completely…
you changed my self…
you made me realize that someone love me…
i actually gave up my playboy life because of you…
you make me realize how great it feels to truly love and be loved by someone else…
the me that use to have 8 girl friends at a time has changed…
the me that use to say bad word in every single sentence has changed…
you made me want to be a better man…
you are like an angel from heaven, sent to protect and change me…
you are like the missing pieces of my life…
without you, i wont be complete…
you complete me…
your the one i love the most…
if i’m forced to choose a million times who i love, i would always choose the same answer…
and that is you…
if i had a wish…
i would wish that i can give my wish to you…
because i rather give my life to you…
i will always stay beside you…
even if i die, i would forever protect you from heaven, and forever be your guardian…
every time i see your eyes…
i felt new and happy again…
meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me…
if you never been in my life, i dont even dare to imagine what am i now…
i promise i would live longer then you…
cause i dont want you to have a single second feeling alone in this world…
im sorry i didnt met you earlier while you needed someone…
im happy while i see you smile…
while im sick, you are my medicine…
while im alone and feeling useless…
your the star that shines upon me and give me strength again…
what im trying to say in this whole thing is…
that i would love you…
till the end of my life…
i love you…

Missing the pass memories…

hmm…
shoo fast, 2008 come le..
still kinda miss the form 2 life..
but juz a blink of eye, form 3 also pass leT.T
next year form 4 le…
i wanna go art stream…
but someone dont let me..
force me go scienceT.T
well…
i think its good to if i go science stream…
she would want me to go science too anyway…
well..
i can still remember the first day of 2007…
when i juz got into my class, i know no body there…-.-
kinda "bu xi guan"
but slowly all become friends le…
their all very friendly…
thought i know some don’t really like me..T.T
but its ok..
im sure they have a good reason to hate me^^
haha…
i also met the person i love this year^^ yay, shoo happie~!^^
shes a nice girl…
kind…
caring…
hehe^^ i feel like the luckiest guy in da world!!^^
also her best friend…
a very nice person^^
her best friend is also kind, caring, and friendly like her^^
they are all good people, thats for sure^^
well…
guess its 2008 now…
hope its a nice year to everyone^^
form 4 now, cant play much..-.-
quited all my online games-.-
the only thing i have time to care about is my girl friend and my studies-.-
and also her best friend^^
well..
im not a very good writer..
so…
thats for all now^^
hope everyone all the best in 2008!!!XDXD

~How to pass bored time~

I always get bored at home…
doing nothing…
watching TV…
eating nachos….
Especially in the holidays…
nothing to do at all….
And thats why i made up this 3 interesting way to pass our free time!!^^
Do it if u dare…

Ways on how to pass ur time(Do it if you dare)
Bored on afternoon  Try this…
1- call Mc Donald and Pizza hut, spam their orders for example : Order 30 Hawaiian pizza, 80 double cheese burger.
Then, prepare to defend your home…
2- Go on a survival mission!!
Dig a hole on your sofa, then stuck your self in, call someone to zip the sofa tight…
then try to survive in the sofa without anything at all…
If your lucky, you might have a chance if finding some nachos u left there, if your suck hard enough from there, you might also get some Moise…
3- Of course…
the normal and great ways to pass your time is to spend it with your friends…
find around 10-30 people, have them all dress in white, and walk around town at midnight time…
Then see the funny emotions people make when they walk pass you…

>>DO IT IF YOU DARE<<

(Note : if anything happens to you, its not my responsibility.)

~Axel~